Long time coming.....yet totally expected.

Well...here we are, more than a year later. You know, I've seriously considered deleting this account, but can't do it. I'm attached. *shrug* Guess it just gives me something to look back on. I like to read back to a time where we could all be in the same computer lab and still have to write things on here to each other. Those were good times. Times where we didn't need to look at each other to know exactly what the other was looking like when something funny happened. We were a bunch of weirdos back then. But you know what, I liked it. It molded me and made me a bit more level headed.

We come and go, in and out of each others' lives, and I can live with that. I like being excited every time I hear C.J's in town, or when Kara answers my very random drunk texts. When Sara decides to text me or even when JoVee decides to call me. I'm fine with it because I know everyone's happy and that's all that matters to me really. I know you're happy and that makes me happy. Why? Why not? You meant the world to me at one point, all my hopes and wishes are for you to be happy. What else can I do?

Nostalgia aside, isn't the present a little fabulous these days? Hard times come, hard times go and still, we're here. Another year has passed and we've all grown a bit older according to numbers. Wiser? Definitely. Oh man, you should see the company I keep these days. Funny people, on/off morals, "individuals", believers in the Deist faith, traditional. It's like I've run into the hipster-matrix glitch. The people who were uncool before uncool became cool vs. being actually cool, which they are. Examples?

Bear "Vael C./Veldon Clendon"- Goes by Bear, his traditional/family name (shush in Apache, Shushy to momma), only uses Vael C. in reference to his status as lead guitarist in the band Red Art Disciple as well as on FB, never uses Veldon unless around elders or the rare job fair, is a traditional crowndancer when the season comes around, Metal Head, wears red because he genuinely knows it's his color and for no other reason, the man's-man, the ass-hat douchebag boyfriend but extremely funny bestie. Whore.

Daz "Dallas Massey, Jr."- Never goes by Dallas Massey because you can google that you'll see his father's dirty laundry as posted by the outraged people of the WMAT whom he cast into bankruptcy during his term as Chairman. Gay and fabulously so. "Brother" to Bear whom is also homophobic, did I mention? Works hard at a very non-tolerant company and keeps his sexID totally hidden because as the son of an ex-Chairman, his father has no job opportunities and he is the sole provider of his quickly aging parents. Drinks himself straight for my sister.... ahem. Like to pass out in fires. The BEST hugger in the world and humble as mormon fuck.

Johnny Threat "Janna Tsosie/Panda"- Juggalette, hipster, Pabst enthusiast, extreme yo-yo'er (look up Augie Fash, her idol), mother to 2 dogs, 4 newborn puppies (1 of which she is nursing herself because the mother cast it out of the litter), 2 ferrets, 3 turtles, 2 cats and 2 goldfish. Extreme drinker, lover to many a man and woman, swore to marry me at Niagara Falls for 20$ money crisis and continues to do so, lover juggler, home owner, goes to work at 4am come hell and hangover, traditional as fuck (makes her own earrings, moccasins, beaded knife sheaths, sage ceremonies), unconditional animal lover and The Assassin of Hearts.

As of right now, I'm too tired to go on, but you see my point, yes? Ive come to mix amongst these people and have learned to love them and everything they do and don't do. My life is interesting and full of things that I know could happen yet toy with the possibility of actually happening. It's unexpected how a night out for me will go. I can never guarantee my own safety but others can and they will risk limb to make sure I get home to my kids. They're that awesome and surprisingly responsible.

But enough about them, it's time for Morgan's (name I go by now thanks to above mentioned people. Full name: Cpt. "Morgan Glory" Deathwish, the Mighty Raccoon.) life review points.

-Quintus turned 6, was suspended his first week of K for violent tantrums and now has to have a full day behavior coach follow him and guide with good choices in school. Still protects his sister with his life from scratching cats and mean cousins, current weight: 80 lbs and holding! Master with the Legos and role-playing as well as the occasional monologue. Pirate, knight and ballroom dancer.

-Valyc turned 5, is an above average student in her Pre-K classes. Attends both the Whiteriver Elementary School for Special Services Programs (speech therapy) in the AM and the "gifted and above" program at Cradleboard Elementary School in the PM. Refuses to color with anything but Sharpies, recently displayed a want to grow out her hair to look like the other girls she goes to school with. The girly-girl unless you piss her off. Thief. Singer, artist.

-Me? Well, I guess I haven't really changed much. I can drink a half gallon of rum or vodka and live...? Currently exploring the world of "seeing other people" since my teen years were spent in one place. Advised to be a stay-at-home mother because Quintus still tends to flip and I need to be available at any moment to come and intervene/remove him from school grounds should he exhibit any intent to harm himself or others. Probably in love, but also in denial. The dragon/villain in any and all play time pretending with the kids. The creator of snow arches and 3ft tall walls of snow castle epicness!! Social in everything I do. Have been quoted to say "If I didn't have friends, I'd probably go to church and have no vices." Cougar (like you didn't all see that coming), Pirate (Captain to be exact), still a loyal wearer of the Tripps. Still loyal to you.

-Relationship with mother is rocky and dissolving fast and so, I shall take my kids, my internet, my freebies and we shall move in with Johnny!

-Quentin is turning out well, have to call him every week so the kids can talk to him, sends me Bible quotes every morning, keeps asking if there is a chance (still no) for us to be together, in college for his assistant nursing degree, has said that he wants to take the kids for a year....visits have been pushed to every 6 months.

Fin.

Quintus Vxi Goseyun (5 years old)

Quintus...my little man, the only man who matters in my life. He is my protector and my love. He's so strong and he's so brave. I wish you could have seen him grow up into the amazing kid he is now.

He just turned 5 and he has ADD. His mind works so fast that it's delayed his speech and he talks at a 3 year old level. But that, I really don't see. All I see is how much he loves his sister still and how much he is learning to do. He makes his own cereal in the morning, his own sandwhich at lunch and demands to pour his own drinks from the pitcher. He loves to watch movies that I really don't know about letting him watch. He like Moulin Rouge, La Bamba, 9. Day After Tomorrow, Beaches.

He's such a Toy Story freak it's funny. He has about 5 Woody's and 3 Buzz's. PLenty of Iron Man toys. He loves the action movies and he's every bit the little boy. He loves to wrestle and fight and pretend he is Wolverine. God, he's awesome. He can sing almost the whole song "i'm yours" by Jason Mraz. He's a bit of a Lady Gaga fan...but I can live with that. He likes to sing Ludo and he does not mind at all when I deafen him with my insanly loud music in the car.

This boy has such an imagination it's a little frightening...but hey, he IS my first-born after all. And i love him.

Babe, I won't let you drink the shampoo

Gods, it seems like forever. Perhaps it has been. Who knows? Time kind of lost it's luster to me. Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to live one day at a time, never really expecting much from it? 7 years, 23 days!!! I counted, yes. It's an alarming amount of time to be so routine. But as it is, time has lost it's luster my loves. Now, about the time...here's what's come to pass in the times when I didn't look at the clock, know what day it was or even vividly remember what year it was!

First and foremost, as you all know, my one great accomplishment in the past 3 years has been leaving that deuche-bag-sperm-donating-asshole-baby-daddy of mine. Well, no longer mine. But damn it, life throws curves at me that even I raise an eyebrow to. So here is the story of Quentin Goseyun, father to Quintus and Valyc and ex of me. After a series of events, of which i am not planning on sharing right now, Quentin had some revelation about his life. The man found God. The true, blue and omipotent Christian God! He started to go to rehab, a small 3 month program in the home town. After he finished it, he back-slid as was expected. But the guy pulled himself back up and said, "I need more." So he goes and joins a mens rehab, famously known as Teen Challenge. Where he excells! Amazingly. He's been there for over a year now and graduating to become a minister to whomever her chooses to speak to, he's looked to as a leader and spiritual guide to many of his peers and he's hell-bent (hehe) on being the father he swore to himself that he would be as well as being offered a job with the Woman's Choice Pregnancy Center Company in their Fatherhood program...This is QUENTIN GOSEYUN we're talking about here people!!

Throughout his entire ordeal, I must admit that the whole thing left a bitter taste in my mouth. Because i knew why he started to do it. I gave you the version he tells everyone and these are my shpeils that no one else will really believe. He's a miracle, I admit that. I never thought he could do it, but he did.

Anyway...I left him-ish. You all know that. He was a horrible drinker and a cheater and a suck-dick emotionally abusive person. So I went him one day and asked him straight out what the hell he wanted. He said that he didn't want to be together because I'm not happy. So I asked him if he was breaking up with me, he said yes. That was that and not 24 hours later, he was asking for me back. It never happened, so he wanted to change. He said he wanted to prove a point. He went to rehab and found God. He became sober. But I knew...because everytime he came back home, all he could do was talk about there being an "us" again. That he was changing for me. Me, me, me, me. Damn it, I got so tired of hearing it, but you know how hard it is to know that someone is suicidally fragile and you're probably the only thing that keeps them going? Fuck, talk about pressure. It's probably me having one of my selfish moments but that's the way it felt! Everytime I head his name and how amazing he was doing and what a great guy he is and what an amazing father and companion hes working to be, I gagged and shook my head. I mocked the guy, I felt all this hatred finally boil up and spill over...I thought I was so fine with what he did. Turns out, I wasn't. I have a genuine hatred for the guy. I never thought I could hate someone. But damn it, he proved me wrong.

Time passed and I think I finally got over it. We have talked a few times when he came to visit the kids and we really did admit a lot to each other. Want an awkward conversation? That was it. But I finally think that his heart is in the right place, with his kids. I believe him when he says he wants to be better for them. Although now, he's turned into this self-righteous asshole. That's probably just me but the man will not get off my case! We have had our fallings, like the time he threatened to take the kids away from me. Or the time he threatened to reveal that secret I choose not to speak of. The list goes on...point being in all this ranting, that I have seen a miracle. For lack of a better word...I'll say miracle. The guy really has changed. I'm proud of him and I really look forward to the day he comes back into the kids' lives. They only see him every 4 months now and I'd really like that to stop. It takes a toll on them. But hey, you do what you can right?

Where we went

Fuck my life